“I’ve learned that people will forget what you’ve said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Maya Angelou
The past few weeks have been interesting, to say the least. My last treatment protocol has stopped working so it’s on to the next option. I’ve just finished my first two weeks of my new drug, Xeloda, which is an oral chemo pill. I take it twice a day for two weeks and then get one week off. I’ve had some nausea, and much more fatigue. My walks have turned into “strolls.” I’ve also had some chest pains which we are trying to figure out. Lot’s of appointments scheduled with the cardiologist this week. I’m hoping that my body is figuring out this new drug and that things will get easier. I think they will. I’m nothing, if not adaptable.
The last weeks have also been full of grief and memories. My wonderful “Uncle Moose” passed away unexpectedly on October 10. Every child should have an Uncle Moose in their life. He was as big in personality as he was in stature. ” 5 ft. 20 1/2 inches” as he’d say. He believed in having fun, lots of crazy fun, but was also extremely safety conscious. He made me feel safe. Whether it was teaching me how to scuba dive, or rappel off a cliff. Those are things I would have never tried without him. I trusted him. We are a family of swimmers, and one of my first memories of Uncle Moose is of him teaching me how to dive. I remember standing, shivering on the end of the diving board. A tall, skinny girl looking down and thinking the water looked a million miles away. But Uncle Moose was there calling to me and letting me know that he would be there to keep me safe. And so I dove. He taught me how to float on my back too. I think of his words often in my current situation. Sometimes, the more we struggle the more we sink. In order to float you have to let go of the fear and anxiety. You have to let go of the unknown. You have to trust that the water will hold you up. You have to have faith.